Mama knows best

So today Declan and I went through our daily ritual of me picking him up and taking him to bed for his nap under total protest from him. He tells me he's not tired, he doesn't want to go to sleep, he gets angry and tries to fight it out, then magically - I ask which song he wants to sing and he cuddles up to me and tells me "Baby Lion." This ordeal which lasts all of 45 seconds tries my patience daily, I know he needs a nap but he doesn't. He can't accept my decision on his behalf until I distract him and his own body betrays his growing independence. He falls asleep in less than 10 minutes and wakes up happy and ready to cuddle me again an hour or two later. So why do we have the same mini-battle everyday? Is it his need to assert himself or is it more profound?

Once in awhile these moments with my kids remind me of God. I believe that God loves me even more than I love my kids and in the same way I know what is best for them - he has my best interests in mind as well. I believe all of that in my head, however, it doesn't get all the way to the rest of me. My will, my heart, my lazy body all want the things that I perceive as good. I certainly don't want the parent proscribed nap when I'd rather be playing (or in my case reading a novel and eating chocolate :).  I tend to be a doer and not a thinker - hence this blog. This is my place to slow down and think, ponder, reflect and hopefully listen to a still small voice that actually wants what's best for me.

I suppose most people are somewhat fatalist and just accept each moment for what it is; good, bad and ugly.  I want to choose the freedom to trust that there is a higher power who actually knows my name, address, age, height and weight and is busy constructing the new person in my womb. That freedom allows me to seek guidance in my life and promises the possibility of more than just a moment to moment existence. This full understanding offers me the chance to believe that my kids will have supernatural protection from unknown future dangers and the hope that their lives will turn out beautifully as I entrust them to God's care. I am still learning this trust - in fact it's a big ongoing lesson in my life right now :) But today as I move throughout the decisions that affect each moment I hope I am not screaming "I'm not tired, I don't want a nap..." instead, I will try to say yes to my divine parent - mama knows best.

Historic words for a modern life

Today I wanted to start memorizing some bible verses with my family. Tagging onto a study I'm doing with my mom's group, I chose a Psalm of Ascent: Psalm 131. The Psalms of Ascent were traditionally sung by Jewish pilgrims on their way to Jerusalem to celebrate the major feasts of their faith. Their way was often difficult and full of danger. In a modern context we all find ourselves on a journey to a personal goal or perhaps a real place. The most worthwhile pilgrimages are usually challenging and refine us ultimately creating the opportunity to fulfill our goal and reach our destination. In light of my previous posts this short passage is incredibly relevant to my personal goals, my pilgrimage.

Here is my paraphrase:
I try not to be proud,
I try not to look down on others,
I haven't done anything great or noteworthy,
I certainly haven't done anything miraculous in my life.
But I choose calm and quiet, like a baby with it's mother,
I choose peace, like a baby with it's mother.
Listen closely, the only hope I have to reach this place is in the Lord, for now and for everyday and every moment to come.

I choose peace.
Shalom for today and everyday.

Organization

This is my quest for today - clean out some clutter and try to organize our house better. It starts with clearing surfaces and piles; and what emerges is a lot of unnecessary stuff. Why do I compulsively collect? What is this need to accumulate? Consumerism? Hedonism? Selfish Ambition? I need to implement the one in - one out rule except that I need more to leave and less to come in.

I think Zen philosophy holds that an uncluttered space reflects an uncluttered mind and I'm sure the opposite is true as well. I'm tired of living surrounded by clutter, and longing for a bigger space is probably not the answer so... time to de-clutter this mind!

A year of living deliberately

Nothing like momentum to keep one going. As I start my day I'm wondering what will it bring? I just started home-schooling Eva, my five year old and am enjoying seeing her learn close up. As I think about what our h/s content will be it forces me to reflect on the overall use of my time through the day. A stay-at-home mom has a lot of freedom but it doesn't come without a cost. I rarely have a break from my kids.

In order to steal this time on the computer one is watching an "educational" cartoon while the other one is still in bed:) Soon it will be time for breakfast and then getting everybody dressed and out the door to the morning's activities. We come home just in time for lunch and then as today is our busy day, we go out again to gymnastics where I hope to take Declan for a walk to get him to nap after his session. Finally by 3pm we'll be heading home and this pregnant body will be done for the day. Nevertheless I will have 3 hours to find meaningful things for the kids to do while I figure out supper and wait for Jon to get home and provide me with a short respite until bedtime. I used to stay up after the kids went to bed but these days I often fall asleep with them and then stumble to my own bed for the night.

I'm not complaining, I have a wonderful life and I love being able to be with my kids. Our days are always full of interesting moments and yet when that 3pm knock-out hits me, I struggle to find patience, creativity and genuine interest in their conversation. This is where my journey of trust continues, if I ask God to provide me with strength to get me through my day will he do it? What does it look like? I know that I will get through my day no matter what, time will march on and eventually bedtime will arrive. What I want for today is to be intentional in how I spend the time - even if I'm tired. The strength I require is to decide what is most important and just do it. Today I will trust God to give me the strength and energy to be deliberate in how I spend my time. Today I will seek to live with INTENTION.

Uncertain Peace

I found out yesterday that my future is just a little more unsettled than I thought it was. My husband after 17 years of post-secondary education is beginning to apply for a real job, and it seemed that one of the earliest and somewhat ideal prospects was the brightest. However, that door has been closed and with baby #3 on the way I feel a pressing need to plan out the immediate future of our family.  This situation is certainly not unusual and in a time of recession and global difficulties might seem trite. The reason I chose this topic to begin my blog is that truthfully, I am a control freak who wants to see themselves as laid-back. Not knowing where my growing family is going to live in 6 short months kinda drives me nuts and yet I'm actually feeling mostly okay about it. Of course I'd love to get it sorted out as of yesterday and it would be nice to live near some family support and free babysitting, but if that's not what happens I think I'll be fine. 


Don't get me wrong, I'm intimidated by this new little person that's coming to shake up my family and officially outnumber the adults. I'm also worried that my husband with all his training and knowledge might not find a job; but my faith in God teaches me to trust and hope for all things to work together for my good whether I understand them or not. This is my journey and I begin this blog in the hope of documenting this process for myself and my children. It is my hope that the questions I ask and the conclusions I reach will resonate with many other seekers out there.

                                              20 weeks